ESCAPE BLOG

Our culture dictates that we live in harmony. We often talk to some as friends even if, deep down, we hate them. Most of us also often say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ to avoid discord. Heck, someone has actually written a book on saying yes when they mean no.

Well, forget all that when you head on to Bulgaria otherwise, you may find yourself in deep shit.

In Bulgaria, people shake their heads to say “yes” and nod their heads to say “no”. Now that would be confusing. Chances are, you will piss someone off for mistakenly telling him/her what you really think!

Update: Note that the same rule applies in India. Thanks for the info, Glo!

In Jordan, coffee is an important cultural symbol of hospitality. So when you are offered Arabic coffee by your host, do NOT say no. Once you are finished drinking and do not want to have more, shake your coffee cup from side to side. However, should you want more coffee, all you have to do is hold out your cup to the person who has the coffee pot.

In most cases, coffee is very strong and bitter.

P.S. When given a choice, I would normally refuse coffee. However, during my travels, I have learned to accept hospitality in the form of coffee (or tea) drinking.

Once, I found myself meeting the smiling eyes of a local whilst ordering a cup of cappuccino at a local café in Venice. I thought it was a smile of appreciation for a tourist. I didn’t realize until later that it was the locals’ secret smile. The smile of someone who knows better… for someone who doesn’t know any better.

Coffee drinking in Italy has a number of rules about what to order and when to order. Social rules which are frequently broken by most tourists.

See, ONLY tourists drink cappuccino in the afternoon. Since it is milk based (hence, heavy for the stomach), one should only drink a cappuccino before 11am. Cappuccinos should never be ordered after a meal. Espressos, on the other hand, are completely different. You can drink it any time of the day, even after a meal.

If you want to drink coffee like the Italians, check this out…

To help the traveller choose the coffee, here are my tips: when you order a coffee or “caffé”, don’t expect a 20 oz. cup. “Caffé” is the equivalent of an “espresso”. You don’t even need to call it espresso – if you ask for a coffee, you’ll get an “espresso”. It is seriously strong and served in a tiny cup (a demitasse). The ristretto is an even tinier cup of coffee, but because it’s “stopped short” of a “Caffé”, it’s not as bitter. On the opposite, the caffé lungo is a tall caffé.

If you crave for coffee, you can order a “caffé doppio”, a double shot of coffee, or a “caffé americano”, which is basically a shot of coffee with more water added afterward so you have a bigger cup.

“Caffé macchiatto” or stained coffee is a coffee with a little bit of milk, while “caffé con panna” has cream on top instead of milk.

The “caffé latte” is quite popular amongst the tourists too. It’s a shot of coffee with a lot of steamed milk and topped with a little bit of foam. While people pleaser cappuccino is a coffee just topped with steamed milk without holding back the foam (tourists add cocoa on top).

Little known “Caffé coretto” has a little bit of alcohol (grappa, whisky for gentlemen, amaretto for the ladies, but you can choose what you want) in it.

Coffee is usually drunk on the spot without even sitting. You’ll see a lot of Italians in the morning on their way to work stopping at the bar for a quick fix. But even tiny bars have a couple of chairs, if you want to take your time.

If you are confused and don’t want the tsks tsks thrown your way, just go to the nearest tourist trap… there’s a 99% chance that the people inside would also be slowly sipping their hot cappuccinos at 4 in the afternoon.

Have you ever observed other people when they talk? Not counting romantic encounters between people, of course. I am talking about strangers or near-strangers talking to each other; especially when one or both are foreign.

One would seem to be getting closer and closer whereas the other seem to be shrinking more and more in his/her seat, trying to get further and further away. It looks a lot like a dance. A very awkward one.

That is a classic example of how variable each person’s personal space is.

Personal space is that area around you. Imagine a little (or big) square around your body where no one is suppose to enter because if someone does, it would be uncomfortable. Or, you’d think he/she is up to no good. It’s an imagined boundary that you have set. A distance that is defined depending on your culture and/or personal predilection.

In comparison, Americans have a bigger personal space compared to, say, the Italians or the Czechs.

When you find yourself feeling trapped and claustrophobic, think again. He/she is not a pervert nor is she/he ready to pucker up for a kiss. It probably is just an issue about your differences in personal space.

[photo credits: artshole]

Picture this: You are alone in a foreign land; eager to befriend the locals but you aren’t exactly Mr. or Ms. Personality. And then you finally find someone interested in foreigner-you but, in your excitement, you find yourself with your foot in your mouth after cracking that joke… the culturally-loaded kind.

Imagine telling this joke in the presence of Germans:
Q: What do you call a blind German?
A: A Not See (Nazi)

Or, saying this with a Japanese/Australian within hearing distance:
An Australian man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Japanese man said to him, “I am sick of seeing your big round eyes.”
The Australian replied, “Put on a blind fold.”
The Japanese man asked, “Where do I get one?
The Australian then said, “Here, take my shoe lace.”

Cracking a joke could probably break the ice, should you find yourself “actively” participating in conversations filled with long pauses. Just keep in mind that not everyone can see the humour in all situations. More so, if you take cultural differences in the equation. A lot of times, what makes something laughable or amusing could depend on the culture we belong to. So, be careful.

You wouldn’t want the locals (in their drunken, pissed off state) waiting for you outside the bar, would you?

/no idea who made those jokes up

“what would you do (to prepare yourself) prior to your first trip to Japan?,” I asked around. Standard answers were:

• learn how to say hello (konnichiwa) and thank you (duomo arigato)
• brush up on sign language (for those who do not speak japanese)
• practice the use of chopsticks
• withdraw tons of cash (heard it’s expensive there! was often heard)

None of them knew about toilet culture shock most people from the Western ’sitting-on-the-toilet’ world go through when they reach Japan. Most would-be visitors only expect high-tech gizmos such as this.

Truth be told, a lot of visitors, during the course of their stay in Japan, meet squat toilets and are at a loss as to how to use it. I mean, it should be easy to figure it out but it is very important to use it properly otherwise…

So here I am with my handy tip to prevent toilet culture shock on your next trip to Japan… with a handy guide on how to use a Japanese style toilet.

PS: Do include “learning how to balance while squatting” on your to-do list, as well. Trust me, you wouldn’t want to smell like crap.   And I mean that literally.

Greeting has always been, imo, a cultural faux pas waiting to happen. I never could quite figure out which to do: to shake hands, kiss once, kiss on each cheek, or kiss three times — alternating cheeks. I have been known to extend my hand whenever a cheek is offered; I have even been a subject of several anecdotes due to the times I almost kissed people on their lips. As confused as I may have been, at least, I could never be accused of being aloof.

I wrote that a year after I moved to Europe.

After (finally) having gotten used to all those European kisses in the air, I was requested to work on a project for a month in one of our foreign offices… in China!

Imagine my confusion when I met the locals. Doubts came to my mind when I got there. Didn’t they like me? Why are the Chinese all so rude? I felt that no one really took to me and I was so offended.

I didn’t learn until later that the Chinese are not touch-oriented. Some of them may have taken to hand shaking but a lot of would probably just give you a nod or a bow. That’s just the way they are and it shouldn’t be misconstrued as being rude.

If YOU ever plan on going to China, do not make the same mistake I did! It’s always best to read about the local culture, especially if it is so different than what you are used to.

Here’s a must-read about the Chinese Body Language/Greeting Culture which could help you on your next trip to China… and which could have helped me a lot had I read it 4 years ago.

So you went on a holiday and got lucky. A one-night stand that went further with constant exchange of emails (technology is great, isn’t it?) and serious plans of seeing one another again.

If that happened to you, I’d say go for it.

However, keep in mind that the evening you spent on vacation together sans any cultural faux pas to speak of could be just a fluke. When you have to spend more time together, you may have to keep a lookout for cultural differences which may slowly reveal itself.

How about starting off your visit well? Show your generosity by bringing a little something from home. This little gesture could, believe it or not, prove to be problematic if you do not know anything about his/her culture.

Who would have thought that something so innocent and filled with good intentions could go wrong.

Here are a few guidelines which might help you on your upcoming trip:

What NOT to give…

Never give a clock as a gift in China. It symbolizes death or the end of a relationship due to it’s chinese translation that sounds like the word for “death”.

Never give leather bags as a gift in India. It would be sacrilegous because Hindus revere cows. One must also avoid giving handkerchiefs since it symbolizes death and sorry.

Never give gifts in sets of four as this is translated as “shi” in Japanese. This word is associated with death.

In Middle Eastern countries, make sure that you can reciprocate with gifts of similar quality and value. Cheapos beware! Best bet would be to give silver, previous stones, cashmere, crystal or porcelain.

In Muslim cultures, you must not give alcohol and products made of pigskin as they are offensive.

In Latin America, you must make sure that you do have something. Gift giving shows thoughtfulness and generosity.

When to give…

We are used to giving gifts upon our arrival. For some cultures in the east, gifts should be given before your departure.

How to give…

In China, they may refuse your gift and you have to insist to them that they must take it. Twice. Thrice. They do it to show modesty, afraid that they may seem greedy if they readily accept it. You must also offer the gift with two hands, just like in Japan.

In Muslim cultures, you must use your right hand in giving something. The left hand is supposedly used for body hygiene thus, it is unclean and impolite to use when passing something to someone.

Giving omiyages in Japan is deeply rooted in their culture. You should make sure that you have something to give.

Lucky are you if you found someone from a culture no different from yours.

 “Australia, Canada, United States, European countries - Gift giving in these countries is rarely expected. While seen as a nice gesture, it is more important to avoid gifts that will be perceived as bribes. Small gifts such as pens, business diaries, and mementos with company logos are usually sufficient. It is important to avoid highly personal gifts such as clothing. When visiting the home of a colleague from one of these countries, it is normally appropriate to present a gift to the hostess.”

In any case, best to try and get more information from him/her (during your email exchanges). That way, you wouldn’t be sending out the wrong signals.

Source: Netique

The first time I went to a sauna in Germany, I turned beet red.

See, I came from a culture where it is normal to share the sauna with people who have towel draped over themselves or are wearing bathing suits. Instead, in Germany, I entered and saw people with towels. But instead of covering their “private parts” with towels, they used the lil cloth to spare their butts from the heat. In all their naked glory, they sat there with their legs relaxed and casually spread. Some even nodded or uttered “Guten Tag”. Whereas my beet red self tried not to look where I shouldn’t look and tried to cover myself even more.

The first time I went to the beach in Bornholm, Denmark, I turned beet red.

See, I came from a culture where we do wear bathing suits; where wearing a skimpy bikini was risquè. Instead, in Denmark, I was bothered by the sight of the long stretch of beach (a normal beach and not the FKK kind, mind you) full of naked people.

Parents with their teenaged kids. Couples doing tai-chi. Some playing volleyball or badminton. Would have looked normal if they at least wore a bathing suit. Instead, they all wore their birthday suits. Had my then-boyfriend did not assure me that it was all normal, I would have screamed and called the police.

Almost a decade later and I still hesitate (and turn red) whenever I see a naked body in public.

–> Nudity is not a big deal in these countries. But it sure would shock the hell out of someone who comes from a country where the sight of Janet Jackson’s boobs during an award show caused an uproar.

So, on your next European trip, prepare yourself. But do remember that you are NOT supposed to stare, even if nudity is no biggie in these shores.

When Judith Martin created the column Miss Manners in 1978 to answer questions on etiquette, she gave pointers on how to behave and be polite. At present, we have the likes of the purple dinosaur named Barney telling kids that “please” and “thank you” are magic words.

These tenets guide most of us when we deal with people. It has been so ingrained in us that when we step into another culture where the standards are different, most of us are quick to cry foul. Stories about that rude [insert nationality here] have been know to circle the whole world.

But, are they really rude?! Or are they just misunderstood?

Here are a few examples of what our culture has misconstrued as rude:

Those who have befriended a Korean in their life view them as people from a polite society. However, most strangers who happen to visit Korea find them rude. Koreans elbow their way through crowds. They cut in line without even uttering a quick excuse me or sorry. Some have been known to even belch or fart in public, without a care in the world who heard or smelled.

As one of my officemates explained to me, for Koreans, there are 2 different kinds of people in the world: people they know and people they don’t know. Someone they have formed a relationship with are treated politely. But strangers, on the other hand, just don’t count. So, they do not feel obliged to extend common courtesy, like we do even to perfect strangers.

And then, you have the “rude French”. A myth, I tell you. IMHO, not smiling at anyone at random doesn’t qualify them as rude. They do not smile just for the sake of it. When they do smile, it’s because they truly mean it and have, in their minds, really something to smile about. That’s just how they are.

Insisting to talk in French while in France does not make them rude either. Don’t you speak in English even to Foreigners when you are back in the USA?

“The French are very proud of their language, culture, and country. If you are respectful of the French and their heritage, they will respond in kind.”

What is wrong with these rude people? Nothing!!!

Avoid going to another country expecting people to behave the way people do back home. That is soooo not going to happen. And don’t even dare correct them, either. Show respect for other cultures and revel in the differences. And in return, they will respect you, too.

[source: Seoul Union Church]