Do you really really really want to get married?
So you got lucky abroad… and your vacation fling turned serious… and now, well, now you want to propose marriage.
Would she appreciate a dramatic/romantic (Western standards) type of marriage proposal? With you going down on your knees, holding out a ring. Or, would she recoil in horror because you have just offended her?
Like I always remind you… it is best to do your homework. Especially when it comes to sensitive and important issues, it is always good to keep in mind that they may do it differently in other cultures.
In Nepal, the Sherpa society dictate that you should approach the father of the intended bride to subtly signal your intent. Gifts should also be brought. The father normally gathers more information about you and is the one who decides whether you can marry his daughter or not.
Now, if you fell in love with a Chinese girl, you are in for a lot of sleepless nights. It calls for an elaborate proposal and — if you are lucky — acceptance. Basically, an agent (a go between) will handle the negotiations between your parents and the girl’s parents. Gifts will be exchanged and astrological experts need to be consulted. And when that goes on without a hitch, both parties can finally meet face to face where both will judge appearance, education, character and social position. Decision will be based on all of the above mentioned.
If I was a man, I’d be depressed by now.
For some cultures in countries like Kyrgyzstan, Turkmenistan, Kazakhstan, the Caucasus region, Ethiopia and Rwanda, you might need to channel your inner Collin Farrell bad boy attitude to get you that bride because they still practice bride kidnapping.
“The mechanism of bride kidnappings varies depending on where it is taking place. In Ethiopia and Rwanda the mechanism is quite brutal, where the man kidnaps the woman and rapes her. The family of the woman either then feels obliged to agree, or is forced to when the kidnapper impregnates her.
In Kyrgyzstan and other Central Asian countries, the practice is different. The groom’s male relatives adbuct the girl, while the older women of the family then put pressure on her to marry. Some families will keep the girl hostage for several days to try and crack her, others will let her go if she stays defiant. The groom usually never sees the bride until she has either agreed to marry or as a last ditch effort to try and convince her to stay. It is also common for the woman’s family to be contacted to help convince her to stay, and indeed often they approve of the forced marriage. While less violent than that practiced elsewhere, the essence of the process is still the same. Such social stigma is attached that the kidnapped woman usually feels that she has no choice but to agree, and many of those who refuse even commit suicide afterwards. Although it is illegal in Kyrgyzstan, the kidnappers are almost never convicted.”
If I was a man, I would probably just convince her to elope.
